Episode 50 - How To Show Up For Yourself
You might be listening to this podcast episode on the way somewhere to do something for someone - deliver field meals, run parts, drop off kids, help a neighbour, etc., but the question is: if you’re one of those “always shows up for other people but never for themselves” people, what have you done for YOU lately.
You might also be someone who shows up for others and that’s what fills their cup, or you could be someone who is constantly on the run for others and is feeling burnt out. There are a few situations that can happen in regards to showing up for yourself.
Quite frankly, you need to prioritize yourself. I can say a million and ten different ways for you to show up for yourself, to prioritize your mental health, and give you all the tips in the book, but if you don’t think it’s worth it and that you’re worth it… you won’t get anywhere. We live in a society with a hustle culture so strong that you might not even realize what the hustle is, what is stopping you from being authentically you or it is what is truly the problem at hand. When you show up for yourself you're teaching the people in your life (including your littles) about boundaries, self respect, and prioritizing health.
You may have seen the trends on social media about reflecting on younger you; where you do things for kindergarten aged you - that’s one way to consider why it’s important to show up for yourself. Another way to prioritize showing up for yourself is to think of your children if you have them… would you want them to treat themselves the way you treat yourself? Do you want your children to feel burnt out like you do? Do you want a 5 year old to look forward in life and see where you’re at? Now, it’s funny to think of the motivating factor behind showing up for yourself being someone other than you, but that seems to do the trick. Humans are peculiar in that way, we need to prioritize ourselves for other people to seem to care about it a lot of the time. Your motivation behind prioritizing yourself doesn't really matter at the end of the day as long as you’re doing it.
Here are some ways to show up for yourself:
- Reflect: what do you need today? Coffee? A quiet 5 minutes? A journal to vent? A drive? Mindfulness? A hot bath?
- Speak up for yourself; is something going against your boundaries?
- Give yourself grace - acknowledge that wisdom comes from years of experience. You might not be “there yet” in whatever you’re doing in life, but give yourself time to grow into it and to grow into yourself and your experience.
- Take your goals seriously. Honestly, there is nothing that irritates me more than a dreamer mindset. Either you want something and you’re going to work towards it or you’re not. In my life, there’s no “oh, maybe one day” mindset and if I say that… it’s never happening. If I say I’m going to do something, it might take me a while, but it will happen eventually; the path might change, the how might change, the end goal might evolve, but I will do it. No dream is too big and no goal is unachievable.
- Take time to do something that makes you happy. For example, videoing and photographing our days on the farm is something that keeps me relaxed and calm, and it’s something I truly enjoy. It just so happens to be that I get to use the media on my social media platforms, which is a nice bonus, but I truly enjoy having and taking photos, and looking back on them and reminiscing about what happened that day.
- Learn to ask for help. This is one that I am also terrible at. In the past when I’ve asked for help it’s either been a I scratch your back, you scratch mine mentality where I have been in debt to that person or those people, or I’ve been told I’ve been selfish for asking for help. I have had to learn to rewire my brain to ask for and accept help from others without feeling guilty, and some days it’s still incredibly hard, because I still have people in my life that hold it over my head and have expectations of me if I ask them for help. Now there’s a difference here between being neighbourly and helping out, and holding it over someone’s head. When you hold helping over someone’s head you don’t take account for their boundaries, respect their time, or ask if it is a good time for them to help you out… you just assume that because you helped them, they should be at your beckoning call. When asking for help, I have found it is important to also continue to establish boundaries and self-respect and to trust the people who are helping me that they do actually respect me and my boundaries.
It can be really challenging to show up for yourself. At first, it might even seem selfish, but you simply cannot pour from an empty cup. You can’t help people if you’re burnt out and you can’t be fully “there” in life if you’re burnt out, plus you’re just not living your best life and that just won’t do because life is too short to be miserable everyday!
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